i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
