my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
