YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
