Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We're facebook friends in real life
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
