Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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