i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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