I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
