I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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