wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
