make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We smell like vodka and hangover
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