So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
