she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
