you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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