This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
