yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
