i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
