well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
