She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
