My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
