She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
