then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Randomize
