If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
