my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
