Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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