just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
