I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Boobs are out for the taking
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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