puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
