is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
