Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
