I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
