i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
