i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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