So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
