I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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