he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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