Don't you send me to vm
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
