weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
