I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
