I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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