remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
