Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
