I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
