Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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