Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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