Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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