the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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