Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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