Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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