First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
