Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
