why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
