Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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