he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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