that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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