Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
