So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
