my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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