You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
